there was I…
Swept up by raging undercurrents
Looking at a sky
That offered punishing grey
Slapping stinging rain drops
That cut me like fine shards of glass
Impaling bodies with my sword
Spurting blood on all that moves
Slicing all into pieces
Stringing severed heads around my neck
Wildfire
Scorching everything in sight
Taking no prisoners,
Sitting on an angry chair
Shadows dancing every where
Get on your knees and pray
It’s Me
Centre stage
Goddess Kali had arrived
It started, one morning in my kitchen while grinding espresso beans anticipating the fine aroma that would be filling my kitchen with the familiar. Only very little was familiar. I was waiting for the coffee to perk when I felt as through my heart and mind suddenly exploded with a pain so violent it woke the generations of women before me.
I let out a howl so deep it brought me to my knees, the primal rage of a wounded creature, crouched in the corner of a kitchen with an espresso machine gone awry spraying coffee everywhere.
I managed to get my shaking self upstairs to bed contemplating the contents of my medicine cabinet. But it just kept coming … rage… in powerful waves, each breath leaving me more exhausted than the last. There seemed to be was no end to my anger as I screamed and wailed into empty space. A raw exposed nerve, the air hurting my skin, the sheets feeling like sandpaper and in the silence in between screams I could hear darkness approaching….
I tried to occupy my brain with mathematics to steady a mind fast becoming unfamiliar to me….
x 7 boxes x 30 or so items in each box returned to me
x 12 years of working there
x my husband of 21 years leaving me
x only 3 months before loosing my job
x 10-28-2017
x my 178 hours alone here
x a 4 bedroom empty house at 510
= nothing but
time.
And it began again…..Every veil that separated me from the world scorching off, not caring if I ever made it back to sanity.
That’s when she made herself known to me .The Hindu Goddess Kali, the Slayer. She stood there dancing , holding a severed head, wearing a skirt of human arms, a necklace of decapitated heads. Her lolling tongue dripped in blood.
Rage had arrived …the portal to my battle… it was bloody, ugly, mythical, loud, uncontrolled, unapologetic and the release of all the pain inside of me .
I was Goddess Kali, carrying enough fire to demolish an entire city….and I was as turned on as I was beautiful.
Radical Acts of Goddess.